Juliet: May 29 – Juliet’s intense love for ‘Abdu’l-Bahá
On 22 May the Master left for Boston, returning the twenty–sixth. After His return He stayed with the Kinneys a day or so (till He moved to His new house), and then came my test! For two days He never even looked at me. My heart bled and burned. I could not endure the withdrawal of His nearness. The third day I went to the new house—309 West Seventy–Eighth Street—and there, in Lua’s arms, I sobbed my heart out.
“I cry,” I said, “only because I love Him,” (which I fear was not exactly true) “because I have just realized how terrifically I love Him. This love burns my heart. It is beyond endurance.”
Then He sent for me to come to Him.
With tears rolling down my cheeks I entered His Presence. He was sitting on a couch writing and did not look up—still didn’t look at me! But at last He said, going straight to the point, piercing to the real cause of my trouble: “I have not seen you lately, Juliet, because of the multitude of the affairs. But I have not forgotten My promise to pose for you. Come on Saturday with your materials and I will sit.”
I thanked Him; then falling on my knees, begged Him not to banish me from His Presence. I could not endure to be separated from Him. I loved, loved Him.
He rose, stood above me, took my hand and held it a long, long time. I still knelt at His feet, the hem of His garment pressed to my lips.
Lua joined her sweet voice to mine.
“Julie has had so much trouble this year. She wants to stay close to You now so that her heart may be healed.”
“I want to stay close because I love You!”
He smiled and said something about another love.
“That is gone. Gone,” I cried.
At these words of mine which I thought were true, the strangest thing happened. Always when the Master holds my hand I feel a flow of sparks from His palm to mine. Now this current of Life was suddenly cut off. Could I have lied to my Lord, and so, by unconscious self-deception, disconnected myself from the Fountainhead of pure Truth?
But His answer was merciful, reminding me of past sincerities. “I am pleased with you, Juliet. You are so truthful. You tell me everything. She said:” (He turned, laughing, to Lua) “‘This is my heart. What can I do with it?’”
I laughed too, through my tears. But soon I began to cry again.
He went back to the couch and sat down and Lua and I followed Him and knelt together at His feet there.
“Don’t cry!” (I wish the whole world could hear the Master say “don’t cry”. Tears would soon cease to be.) “Don’t cry! Unhappiness and the love of Bahá’u’lláh cannot exist in the same heart, for the love of Bahá’u’lláh is happiness.”
“I cry for love of you, my Lord. My tears come from my heart. I can’t help it.”
“Your eyes and Lua’s”—and He laughed again—”are two rivers of tears.” “I love Juliet,” He added, “for her truthfulness.”
“I told Juliet,” said Lua, putting her arms around me, as we still knelt together side by side, “of Your words to Mrs. Kaufman: that these human loves were like waves of the sea rolling to the shore one behind the other, each wave receding.”
“Balih,” (yes) said the Master, “this is true. You will not find faithfulness in humanity. All humanity is unfaithful. Only God is faithful. Bahá’u’lláh spent fifty years in prison for the sake of humanity. There was faithfulness!”
“From this moment,” cried Lua, “Juliet and I dedicate our lives to Thee and we beg to at last die in Thy Path—to drink the cup of martyrdom. Oh, it would be so good for the Cause if two Americans could do this! Take hold of His coat, Julie, and beseech.”
I touched the hem of His garment.
“Say yes,” implored Lua. “Oh Julie, beg Him to say yes.”
But in Thonon I had told the Master that I would not ask for that cup again but would wait till God found me ready for it.
“I accept the dedication of your lives now. The rest will be decided later.”
And it was clear what He meant. How we must amuse Him!
